Electric Pancake Starship Go-Go Boots
by Retrolex
Summary: Three Neutrals celebrate the start of their space adventures by naming the ship. OC-based.


The first thing they did was name the ship.

Actually, the first thing they did was argue over who would name the ship.

"Mine!" said Deuce. He hugged the sleek white instrument panel possessively, his arms spread wide across the dash. From the pilot seat he shot Ace an evil glare. "Name it and die, motherfucker."

"My name is on the insurance too, you know," said Ace in annoyance.

"Ha! We both know that I'm the only one who can fly this thing, pal. Ergo, I reserve the right to name it."

"Is that like calling shotgun?" said Dart.

"Yes! Thank you! It is kind of like calling shotgun, yes!"

Ace sighed wearily and dropped into the co-pilot seat. He had spent most of the evening wrapping up the last of the transactions for the purchase and transfer of ownership of the slightly used starship, and was in no mood to quibble.

"Fine," he said. "Go crazy. But please, no more Solar Black Bang songs, all right? If you name this ship after one more Solar Black Bang song I swear to god I will straight up murder you."

"Solar Black Bang?" said Dart.

"It's a band out by Dezalus. Very metal. They earned a fair bit of notoriety after one of their amps blew up two-thirds of a moon during a performance."

"That was a good show," said Deuce. "Until the debris achieved terminal velocity."

"Oh dear," said Dart.

Ace jabbed a finger at Deuce.

"No profanity either," he said. "At least not in any of the universal languages. I will not be seen painting _Starfucker_ on the fuselage of any more ships."

"Please," said Deuce airily. He sat upright in the pilot's seat and brushed an imaginary speck of dust from the power quadrant. "I intend to give this beauty a name that will properly commemorate Dart's first trip into space with us aboard our very own vessel. Something thoughtful and contemplative, and yet a name that will stir mortal souls whenever I contact orbital control."

"Oh. Well. Good for you. Kiddo, I'll understand if you split up with him over this."

Dart laughed.

"It's okay," she said. She laid her hands on the back of the pilot seat and leaned forward to admire the view of the spaceport from the front viewport. "Really. It's- wow. Kind of cool, actually. Gosh. Are you sure, Deuce?"

"I am one-hundred percent sure about this."

Ace rolled his optics and stood up.

"I'm going to go find myself a berth and put my things away," he said. He ducked out of the cockpit, leaving nothing but lingering echoes of his sarcasm behind him. "Regale me with the name of our mighty starship when you finally come up with something."

Deuce made a face as he left.

"I should name it _Ace's Nineteeth Nervous Breakdown_," he said.

"Oh, that would take much too long to paint on the side."

Deuce laughed and leaned back in his seat. He ran his hands over the instrument panel.

"I like this ship," he declared. "I'm getting good vibes off this ship. I am going to give it an epic name."

Dart was both curious and wary. "Have you got one in mind already?"

"You know, I do! Want to hear it?"

She said yes.

So Deuce told her, and Dart's optics popped a bit. She politely thanked him after she had recovered from her astonishment and then excused herself and wandered out of the cockpit in a daze.

Later, she hunted down Ace. The red carbot was sitting in the engine compartment with his feet on a panel, reading from a rather tattered looking data manual.

"Huh," he said as she drew near. He paged through a screen without looking up. "Did you know this thing has direct-feed Tangerino Mark IV quantum starcluster drives? I didn't know Tangerino made any direct-feeds. Hell, I didn't know Tangerino was even still in business after all of those lawsuits. It's also got little cup holders in the central dash, look."

Dart cast a worried glance around the room.

"Lawsuits?" she said.

Ace threw the manual on the panel and yawned.

"God, I'm bored," he said. "Are we getting underway anytime soon?"

"Um, Deuce said that the port control would grant him a departure clearance shortly."

"Shortly? Define 'shortly'."

"Um. Maybe within the hour?"

Ace put his hands over his face and groaned.

"I'm sure it won't be that long."

He groaned louder.

"We could play a game to kill time."

"What? Like- Monopoly?"

With a perfectly straight face, Dart said in a thoughtful voice, "Well, how about... Six Degrees of Decepticon? I'll go first. Have you ever been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or Skywarp?"

Ace snorted and started to laugh.

"I should also warn you that Deuce came up with a name for the ship."

Ace paused. Then he lowered his hands and looked around warily.

"Uh oh," he said. "How bad is it?"

"It's, um... it's different."

"Really? This should be good. What did he come up with this time?"

Dart told him.

The red carbot hooted.

"Seriously?" he said.

She grinned crookedly.

"Wow." Ace rubbed his jaw and stared into space. "You know, I have to admit, that's one of his better ones."

"Really? I mean, because... well, I like it, but isn't it kind of an odd thing to name a ship that travels through the cosmos?"

"Are you kidding? Actually, let me put this into perspective for you. Our last ship was christened _Slightly Bent Sun Visor_ because he got stuck on a name and that was what he happened to be looking at at the time. Before that was _A Cancer at the Heart of Society_. For a while we were flying around in nothing but Solar Black Bang songs. Then there were the classics _Liquid Asset, Dockbanger, Uncrashable, Uncrashable II_, and _Ass Bottomed Ship_. Oh, and once we scored this little black starjumper with massive Inheritance engines. It was just called _AHHHHHHH_."

Dart did not know whether to laugh or be concerned that they had gone through that many ships over the span of their journalistic careers. Then she remembered that they were million year old robots and laughed.

The ship-wide intercom crackled to life.

_"Attention, passengers!"_ said Deuce's voice. _"This is your Captain speaking! We've received our clearance and will begin departure procedures from the gate within ten minutes. Please keep your seats in the upright positions and stow all carry-on baggage in the appropriately marked locations. Our destination this evening shall be I don't know, because no one ever tells me these things. Oh, I know! Let's go hit up that orbital opera house out by Quanta V. They still think I'm a reviewer, we should get free tickets to the show. Oh my god! I just found cup holders in the central dash. That is dope."_

"It's okay, kiddo," said Ace, when the ship gave a subtle creak and Dart transformed into her car mode out of a nervous reflex. Without lowering his feet he looked down at the floor. "He's a good pilot. Really."

"I believe you," said the Trans Am. "I just, um. Dropped. A contact lens."

The outer ring of the spaceport gently revolved. The docking clamps of the General Aeronautical gate 411 released with a hiss of spent pressure. Radio chatter filled the invisible airwaves as the port controllers directed the hive of space traffic in the arrival and departure circuit, a buzzing halo of shuttles and star cruisers.

_Hungry Like the Wolf_ sailed majestically from the gate and pointed her nose towards open space.

* * *

_I could write about these three all day. Seriously. Dart belongs to the marvelous Korat!_


End file.
